Skin Type: Oily
Products Previously Used:
1. Over-the-counter products (Neutrogena, Clearasil)
2. Clinique Set (soap, toner, spot treatment)
3. ProActive 3-step + mask
4. Franlise anti-bacterial lotion
5. Clinique 3-Step Acne Solutions
6. Benzalcin + Differin cream + Doxycyclin Hyclate
7. Laser + Facial acne extractions
The Beginnings & Middle
When I first started breaking out, it really wasn't that bad at all. I just had occasional pimples but my mom always made a big deal over them. Gradually, the degree of breakouts increased (followed by further nagging from my parents). During middle school, I started using ProActive. While I followed the 3-step regimen, I still broke out normally and I couldn't understand if it was because I wasn't following the steps correctly or if the medication just wasn't working. Finally, my mom took me to see my aunt's friend who did facials and she recommended a French product called Franlise Anti-bacterial Soothing Lotion. Although it was called a lotion, it's not like a lotion at all. The product I used had a milky consistency that dried into a white powdery substance. It kept my face from oiling up for several hours (whereas when I used Proactive, my face would oil up after an hour) and I did notice that my acne improved but never completely went away.
My senior year in high school was one of the unhappiest times of my life. I had reasoned that all my stress was causing more severe breakouts. In my first year of college I noticed that despite my use of Franlise, my face continued to break out as badly as it did the previous year. I want to note here that my first year of college was the happiest year of my life. I can't ever remember being happy for so long or when I had ever laughed so much. That year I reasoned that perhaps the bacteria was growing resisant to Franlise so I switched to the Clinique Acne Solutions Set and stuck to it for a year. My face still oiled up quite badly within hours and I still broke out, though I felt that the severity of those flareups were bareable. My mother disagreed. That summer she took me to see an independent doctor who prescribed Benzaclin, Differin Cream and Doxycyclin Hyclate. I used all three products during my Sophmore year in college and my face improved dramatically. I had few pimples except for when I would flare up during my period. I felt that this was probably as good as it was gonna get for me so I was okay. But because my acne never stopped completely, my mother insisted I never took care of my face well enough was still very unhappy and very unsatisfied.
Downhill
Three & a half months ago my parents took me to a clinic that did facials, acne extractions (removing white/black heads), laser surgery and other cosmetic services. They took me there in hopes that the program for acne would "cure" me of my problem. After three & a half months of no topicals, weekly acne extractions that left my face swollen, and 4 lasers: I was left with bigger flares and new scars. The amount of oil my skin produces has decreased dramatically but this is the only positive improvement on my skin. My aunt, who had laser treatment for her acne, told me herself that she could feel that something was wrong - that after two months I should've seen some improvement by now. Instead my face has become a nightmare.
The Emotional & Psychological Breakdown
There are many questions that plagued me throughout this entire ordeal:
Will my condition ever get better?
Will I ever have clear skin?
Why couldn't my parents accept my occasional flare ups?
How can I face my friends?
How can I face the guy I like and think that everything will be okay and that he'll be interested in me?
My face is splotchy and filled with painful and itchy cysts. The school year is about to start and even though I have an appointment with my primary physician and gynacologist, I won't have enough time to go to a dermatologist since school is too far from home. I could go see a dermatologist down here but my insurance won't cover the costs so I can't pay for regular visits. I can't use Accutane because I have a history of depression and I used to have a lot of suicidal thoughts - something that I quickly regressed back to ever since my face exploded with cysts all over.
I don't know if I will ever look the same. I don't know if there is even an answer to this problem. The pressure to be beautiful has destroyed me as a person and I'm trying so hard to go back to being the happyily optimistic girl I was five months ago. I'm trying to enjoy life as much as I can but my heart just isn't into it. Only one friend has been able to make me forget and feel normal and happy, but that was just for one day and these feelings of desolation and bitterness have sunken back in.
For now, I've opted to finish this damn program that screwed up my face but I don't have much hope.
